Transitions as Gifts and Opportunities for Growth

Understanding our Coping Mechanisms / “Saboteurs”

During transitions, especially stressful ones, our well-established coping mechanisms from childhood often resurface to provide a sense of safety and control. While this may initially seem helpful, we tend to overuse and abuse these mechanisms, inadvertently harming ourselves in the process.

Consider this scenario: "Despite feeling exhausted and stressed, I must work harder to get on top of things." While the ability to work hard can be an asset, this approach can stem from an identity tied to stress and control. Paradoxically, it can lead to more exhaustion and reduced performance.

Similarly, an individual fixated on perfection may possess a keen eye for detail, yet this strength can devolve into self-criticism and anxiety when personal standards aren't met. This transformation of a strength into a "saboteur" can negatively impact relationships and trust.

The Downside of Saboteurs and the Upside of Transitions

These coping mechanisms/saboteurs, which are based on our strengths, motivate us through emotions like stress, anxiety, guilt, shame, and frustration. While they may yield short-term gains and successes, they seldom pave the way for long-term happiness and achievement.

Transitions, however, serve as perfect opportunities to dig deep and unearth the beliefs tightly bound to our identity. These beliefs can either propel personal and professional growth or keep us stuck in stagnation. What can we accomplish, and how can we be if we can quieten the sabotaging thoughts?

Digging Deep with Self-reflective Questions

Clients facing transitions and challenges who are willing to reflect and question their own beliefs and perceptions can discover who they are without strong saboteur interference. Here are some examples of questions that come up:

• A new leadership position: What kind of leader am I in this context? How do I align my values with my leadership style and manage the ensuing challenges? How do I deal with “difficult” people?
• Contemplating a career change: Who am I without my previous occupation? What defines the purpose of my work? What beliefs hinder my success?
• After separating from a long-time partner: Who am I as a single person? How can I foster a healthier relationship next time? What changes for me professionally?
• Relocating to a new country: How does my host country influence my values and decisions? How can I be more open-minded and less judgmental?
• Repatriation: How do my priorities shift as I return to my home country? How will this impact my career?
• Midlife reflection: What aspects of myself need development? How can I prioritize self-care and set boundaries? How can I continue to develop my career?
• Navigating menopause or health issues: How can I balance work with my changing needs? What does work-life balance mean to me now?

My Personal Transformation

Over the past five years, I've undergone numerous transitions, from repatriation to career shifts and health challenges. It's remarkable how these experiences have transformed me. It was like feeling incredibly stuck in tight, old skin that was restricting and dimming my shine and personality, and then being able to shed the old skin and feel vibrant, energetic, bright, healthy, and ready for new adventures. But is the shedding process comfortable? No. Is it scary? Sometimes. All change, even positive change, can be daunting. The key is to accept the fears and continue to move forward and make the changes you want.

Embrace the Turmoil for Growth

Transitions and challenges can shake our self-perceptions, exposing deep-seated beliefs. Amidst the turmoil, we can seize the moment to create new neural pathways that enhance our performance, well-being, and happiness. Embrace transitions as catalysts for personal and professional growth, and you'll find yourself better equipped to thrive in any situation.