Be Well to Do Well - Part 2: The Mental Load

Overwhelmed. Exhausted.

The tears were rolling down her cheeks before she could even finish her first sentence. "I’ve had several meltdowns," she told me, her voice trembling. "I feel like the job is killing me. I’m being pulled in so many directions, I’m second-guessing every decision, and I’m constantly bulldozing my way through the day just to survive."

This was the start of a coaching conversation I had recently. Let’s call her Hannah.

Hannah is brilliant, capable, and deeply empathetic. But she was drowning. And as we talked, she said something that resonated deeply with me: "I’m consuming other people’s problems and carrying them on my heart."

I’ve been there. I’ve spent months—years, even—moving through that same thick fog of overwhelm. If you’re a leader, a parent, or anyone who values "service," you’ve likely felt that heavy weight on your chest, too. But here is the hard truth I had to learn the hard way: If you don’t guard your own emotions, you eventually become useless to the people you’re trying to serve.

The Slow Burn

We often think of burnout as a sudden "crash," but it’s actually a slow, quiet erosion. According to Christina Maslach, the leading expert on the subject, burnout has three distinct flavors:

1. Exhaustion: You are mentally, emotionally, and physically spent.

2. Lack of Efficacy: You feel like you’re running on a treadmill—lots of effort, zero impact.

3. Cynicism: You start to feel numb. You become resentful. You stop caring because caring hurts too much.

Hannah was stuck in the first two. For many of us, this state becomes our "new normal." We forget what it feels like to have energy or to actually enjoy our work. We just keep bulldozing.

The Ego of the "Rescuer"

To fix the burnout, we have to look at the mindsets driving it.

When we care deeply, we often fall into the trap of "rescuing." If I’m honest, I used to love being the rescuer. It made my ego feel great. I remember working as a school counselor and wanting to be the "best" anyone had ever had.

One year, I spent my entire New Year’s Eve helping a student finish a university application for a January 1st deadline. I missed the party. I missed the countdown. But he got in! I felt like a hero.

Six months after starting uni, he dropped out.

In hindsight, I hadn't helped him; I’d robbed him. By "rescuing" him, I took away the very lesson he needed to learn about responsibility and deadlines. Whether we are leading a team or raising children, we have to ask: Am I empowering them to solve their problems, or am I just feeding my own need to be needed?

The Perfectionism Trap

Another engine of burnout is the "Professionalism" myth.

We think being professional means being perfect. I used to spend hours—literal hours—obsessing over the font on a slide or the wording of a brochure. But perfectionism is often just a mask for a lack of confidence. If we don’t trust our own decisions, we overwork to compensate. If we don’t trust our team, we micromanage.

We end up doing everything ourselves because we think we "do it better and faster."

But what if success looked different? What if, instead of a "perfect" 40-slide deck, success was a 10-minute conversation where you were 100% present? What if success was a meal you actually tasted, or a walk where you actually heard the birds?

Bio-hacking the Alarm

When you are in Hannah’s shoes, your nervous system is on high alert. You are in survival mode. You cannot "think" your way out of a panic attack. You have to body-hack your way out.

In Part 1, I mentioned that 80% of the data in your nervous system travels from the body up to the brain. If you want to calm your mind, you have to talk to your body first.

• The Sigh: Your breath is the remote control for your brain. Try a deep inhale followed by a loud, audible sigh. Repeat it three times. It’s a physiological "all clear" signal to your nervous system.

• The 4-8 Rule: Inhale for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 8. A long exhale triggers the "rest and digest" system.

• The Sensory Anchor: When your head is spinning, grab something. Feel the texture of your desk. Notice the temperature of your coffee. Watch the way the light hits the wall. Get out of your head and back into the room and your body.

Small Wins, Big Shifts

These aren’t "nice-to-dos" for when you have a free weekend. These are vital daily maintenance—like brushing your teeth.

Burnout isn’t just your fault; there are systemic issues in our workplaces and society that make it easy to hit a wall. But while we can’t always change the system, we can change our response to it.

Remember your ABCs from last time:

• Awareness: Notice the "heart-heaviness" or the urge to rescue.

• Be Present: Stop the "bulldozing" for sixty seconds. Breathe.

• Choose: Decide to delegate, decide to say no, or decide that "good enough" is actually perfect.

You don't have to be a hero. You just have to be well.